Updated....

Ok, update to previous post....

Kino is CRAZY. Turns out he was developing a head cold so he was getting headaches and THAT'S why he was so calm. Poor guy. He is the smartest little thing though we have made it almost two days without an "accident" in the house. :-) GO KINO!! OH! He has also officially learned how to sit.

So, lately I haven't been posting much because I've been in a pretty dark place for the past three months that just got worse over the past few weeks or so. Last June, I moved out for the first time on my own. At the time I was working for my step dad at his financial planning company and had been for the last 5 years. Two days after I moved into my own place, they laid me off. I had no way to pay bills but found a job with a temp agency a week later. I worked for a construction company for about 7 months after that and they said they wanted to hire me so I stopped putting in apps. Well...Christmas day they called and said that they couldnt' keep me because of budget so I was able to find a job in January of this year. At first it was great, then my boss started to put on the sexual advances and he wasn't subtle. Well because of some things that happened growing up, I DON'T like being touched and I'm a fairly private person. So at first, I made it clear that I wasn't interested and to please stop. He didn't. So I got meaner about it. He eventually got the hint but didn't take it too kindly. He got mean and looked for reasons to humiliate me and to be rude and threaten me with my job. (in a nut shell at least)

Today I finally talked to my district manager about it and it went better than expected. I feel kinda bad for my boss though because he is going to be written up and it could lead to termination. I never meant to put any one's job in jeopardy or to make anything hostile around here, I just wanted him to stop. I tried to do it myself first but it only got worse as I tried to do that. I can't help feeling bad but I'm also a little satisfied because he deserves to have his attitude whipped back into shape. They're going to do all this investigation crap and hopefully it all goes over smoothly so I don't have to deal with this much longer. I'm ready to like my job again.

I got a new puppy!! His name is Akino Loki (just Akino for short). He was born on Valentines day and I love the little guy, he's so cute and (suprisingly) calm.

Lately I've been very quiet and haven't really wanted to write much. Not for lack of things to say, just because when I try, it all jumbles around in my head and I can't think of where to begin. I've been getting more and more migranes lately and my hearing keeps going in and out. No one can seem to find the source of it though. I started taking the vitamins that they suggested for me (I live on a 20 year old income so the nutrition is lacking a little :-D) and honestly, they've made me feel a million times better but the whole anemia theory went out the window and I'm not diabetic so.......I guess it could be worse, a few months ago I was getting light headed and almost (if not) passing out all the time. I could definitely stand to have my ears stop going in and out and just decide if they're going to work though. Not to mention it makes me go from being really happy to a raging bitch. :-( I dont' like that at all. L makes fun of me because I already can't smell anything (my sinuses have never allowed me to smell) and now my ears keep threatening to stop. I'm glad he's here though and hopfully Akino will provide a little help if it does go that direction. Its strange because my little sister has been getting these same headaches recently too but we don't live together. Hers seem to be much worse for her 7 year old body so I'm hoping they can find SOMETHING that will make hers stop.

In other news, I'm trying to find a way to keep busy at work. If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them :-D. I don't use myspace or Facebook though. I have never been much of the "keep in touch with people you barely know (and never really liked)" type. I have my close friends and they all know my info if they want to talk to me. I've always been more of a private person but I suppose its defined by everyone else as "anticocial" :-) I don't think I'm antisocial though because I'm very outgoing and accepting of just about anyone. I love being social, I just don't share my personal details or let them get too close until I know I can trust them. I'd say the best word for it is guarded. Or maybe I just have a low B.S. tolerance. Either way, I'm happy with it so why fix what ain't broken? Right?!

Dang!! I was actually going to get down and write a pretty good blog today but I gotta go home now...

To be continued...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ok so L always....ALWAYS teases me about being his "little blonde girl." You know the whole "its ok, you're blonde...come here blondie, I know its a big world...." all in good fun of course but still, it gets OLD! So the other day, our pipes froze in the apartment and no one came to fix it in time so the back pressure blew water EVERYWHERE!!! L was home before me and explained the mess and said he had cleaned it up,(right there I was concerned because my version of clean and his are VERY different) but I was appreciative that he had actually tried to clean it instead of wait for me. :-) We had dog sat a few days before so there were sheets on the floor that had dog hair all over them and needed to be washed anyway. He had used those and a few towels to soak up the water. When I came home, I was pleasantly suprised that he had done a great job and felt a little bad for my initial judgement. He even washed the sheets (so I thought).

So a few days later I'm starting some laundry while L is at work and put on our spare sheets only to be greeted with dog hair EVERYWHERE and dirt, rocks, dust galore!! I called L and told him that I thought something was wrong with the washer because the sheets had NOT been cleaned at all. To which he replys...."Oh, I didn't wash them, just threw them in the dryer" WHAT?!?! Who does that? So I asked him exactly why he thought it was a good idea to just dry them instead of washing them. His answer...


"I just wanted to dry them a little so they would't be too wet when I put them in the washer."

He was dead serious when he said it too!!!! I cracked up and couldn't even be mad because now, I have dirt on him. He can't make fun of my "silly" questions (I think they're completely legit) because he has one even worse!!!!!!


LOVE*
-KMay

Hello again!!!

FYI...The cheesecake was A-mazing! :-D L loved it and I'll be surprised if its not half gone when I get home.

My post yesterday was filled with complete randomness yesterday so I'm sorry for that but it felt good to just let my fingers spill out everything that I've been holding inside for 19 years. Thanks to those of you who took the time to read and comment, I have a new found confidence in my blog and have even built a little self esteem from it. :-D The fact that I let it out and no one had judgement and they actually understand makes me wonder if maybe I didn't judge other people a little too soon. Maybe I'm a little bit of a hypocrite. Either way, thank you!!

School is finally coming to an end for the semester...thank goodness! I've decided to take the summer off. There's just too much going on right now to have to worry about reading books and doing homework or studying for tests. I'm definitely going to take a math class next semester because that's the only thing that (for some odd reason) calms me down and makes my mind focus. Plus, its always come easy to me so it'll make for a less stressful year. I suppose I'll have to put an English on there somewhere and some form of psychology.

I'm going through a phase right now and I'm not that happy about it. For some reason, I have these random "phases" that make me like or dislike something or maybe just be more drawn to a certain kind of something. Right now, its music. I LOVE all kinds of music (can't play that good, only some piano) but I can't get enough of music. I will have times where I'll only want to hear a certain genre or something but now, nothing is good. :-( that sucks. Hopefully this passes soon.

My mom is actually moving. She never stops surprising me. She's leaving my brother (16) here ALONE and moving to Washington DC. The fact that she sees nothing wrong with this only solidifies my view of her as a selfish B**** who only cares about money and her third child (who brings in all the money). How am I just seeing this now? That's a fantastic question. I suppose I've always seen it just never wanted to admit that my own MOTHER was a crappy one. I've finally come to terms with that fact though and I've told her that as long as she decides to be with that piece of s*** man, she has no place in my life. In turn, she told me the same of L but to be honest, I got the better hand in that one. At least I'll be happy while she's cheated on and he does who knows what to other GIRLS! She deserves it after what she did to me. That's for sure. The only problem is...I still love her. I'll never stop loving her but I don't love what she does or how she acts however, I will never not care about her. I DO hope that one day she will wake up and actually get to have a happy life.


-KMay

Cheese Cake is the only good thing about monday...

I FINALLY got the cheesecake I've been waiting for for months now and what do I do? FORGET IT AT WORK!!

Recently I've been doing a lot of "soul searching" (for lack of a better term) and I've been realizing a lot about my self. This is actually starting to scare me more than anything because I'm starting to realize that I'm not as "normal" as I used to think I was. Also, this is a relief because....well...I'm not as normal as I thought I was. :-) I'm struggling with the inner me on what exactly I need to do to fix the things I'm feeling at the moment and what parts of me (the NEW me) that I don't really want to lose. One thing is for certain, I am just about tired of the conflict.

Ever since I turned 18 and moved out, I've been in a whirlwind that I can't seem to slow down. I never realized exactly how much of "me" was lost living at my mom's house because I changed everything about me just to make sure she was happy. Now the only person I have to please is myself (and L of course but he's always supportive no matter who I decide to be for the day) and I'm discovering that EVEN I didn't know the real me very well...L knows so much about me that I never have to feel like I should hide who I am infront of him. He's seen me in my darkest/deepest times and he's the one who pulled me out of the hole.

I (not unlike millions of others) have a very troubled past that I'm still coming to terms with. Outwardly, I don't care and I'm over it, but on the inside its all killing me. I have never been a person to want sympathy or someone to feel bad about me. NOR do I want any attention (very self concious) most of my efforts are spent keeping the attention AWAY.

I've been clean for two years now and its getting easier and harder every day. Its hard to explain really. I've changed my habits and my coping skills but every time I think about it the little deamon in my head whispers that since it's been so long, maybe I would know how not to get hooked next time. Luckily, I'm smarter than that little deamon but he does put up a good fight.

I'm not sure why this post was so random, and I'm not sure where I was planning to go with all of this. I guess that it'll give you guys a little background on me and when I'm ready, more will follow. There's no doubt about that.

:-*

And so it begins

Soo... Here's day one I suppose. I've been thinking of what to write all day and while I still come up with nothing, I figured I'll give it a shot and see if I can think of anything interesting to say. Some much needed news came in today!! I am getting a raise! Not sure yet how big or small but its GREAT news considering I've been laid off from two jobs in the past year. I'm proud to say I haven't used even through all the stress. Can't lie and say I didn't think about it but I didn't. :-) PROUD!! Though I wonder how this looming government shutdown will effect my current job (home loans)? Watch.... We'll have to close until all this blows over.

 I have dance class tonight which I'm actually really excited for. I haven't been in two weeks so I'll have some catching up to do but thats alright. I love Fridays and the weekend. L might be able to transfer to a new job which could mean that I'll get to spend more than one day with him. Its strange, ever since we moved into our OWN home, I spend less time with him than I did when we were constantly surrounded by people...go figure.

What to say??

Hello everyone,

I'm not sure just quite where to start exactly....first, I want to thank you for whatever interest you may have taken in me and hope that you will enjoy whatever randomness that comes out of this blog that I've decided to create this wonderful Wednesday afternoon. I'm not even sure what the purpose of it will be and I seriously doubt that it will go only in one direction however, I can tell you one thing. It. Will. Be. Fun. :-) I'm told that blogging can be a form of therapy and was encouraged to start one by a psychology class that I was taking a few years back. At the time, I thought that I wouldn't know what to say or who to say it too....honestly, I still don't. As of right now I see this as being a place to ask questions and give feedback and share stories and problems in the anonymous world that is the internet. I'm a little intimidated and slightly intrigued at the idea of a blog and can't wait to see what comes of it.

KMay